GOBSMACKED FLABBERGASTED

We'd just finished a muddy scrappy
battle against the then top of the league side
and beaten them 3-2
quite an achievement
taking into consideration
the unpleasant nature of the contest:
our opponents were not averse
to using excessive physical force
or letting their emotions get the better of them

They were a nasty lot of
white lads from
some dodgy South London
district
if truth be told.
On the pitch I never let
those people get to me but
away from the emerald turf
I would steer a million miles

We were in our dressing room
after the game
feeling
well, pleased with ourselves
when
our attention was drawn to four or five shapes
at the door

Yes,
four or five
extremely angry figures
dealing with god knows what issues
stood quivering at the door.
Four or five stark naked figures!
Their manhoods swaying
limply and reluctantly
before us,
their porky-pink flesh
horribly real
under the strip lighting.
It was a bizarre sight to say the least,
but nothing to the torrent of words
that spurted from their
inarticulate tongues,
"All right, come on,
let's sort this out right now,
who wants some?",
was the spirit of their incantation.
They were looking for a fight!

I imagine
the nature of their defeat
had been such
that they had retreated to their
dressing room in a state of
frustration and despondence,
a mood which
before they had got their clothes on
had exploded into a
blind senseless violent fury

We gazed aghast
gobsmacked flabbergasted.
We were a mixed bunch,
mostly from round Peckham,
although relatively hardened to the ways of the world
I believe this was a new experience for all of us.
There was a kind of hush
a daft silence
after their pronouncement.
The silence became embarrassing.
I mean the idea of getting into
a scrap with some ugly bollock naked
bloke because of the result of a football match
was way beyond our reach

I think the same thought
slowly seeped through our visitors'
neolithic craniums.
The absurdity
of the situation,
the whiplash
of the deafening silence
caused their brainless heads to spin,
slowly they withdrew, doubtlessly
still uttering
unfriendly threats and taunts
in order to maintain their
dubious masculine dignity

They were chucked out of the league
later on,
for some violent incident or other,
not surprising.....