THE EL CELESTE INCIDENT

It was 1983
or thereabouts,
El Celeste
was the centre of the
burgeoning Barcelona
punk movement

Yes, six years late,
but better late than never;
maybe

It was actually a
relatively cool venue
near the beautiful
Maria del Mar church
in a run down district
of narrow medievalish
streets
(god you should see it now,
you can't spit for
fear of splattering a tourist)

There was a crap band playing
with a useless female
lead singer.
We were plastered,
decided to go up front
and heckle,
which is what we did

The singer took umbrage
at our haranguing.
Said
"If anyone thinks they can do
better,
come up here and do it."

Invitation accepted,
I leapt up on the stage,
seized the microphone
and started to croon
god knows what.

Once again my earnest
endeavours were greeted
with miscomprehension
dismay and
a vehemently physical reaction

She went for me,
tried to grab the mike,
I resisted,
we ended up wrestling on the floor,
in a flimsy pathetic frivolous fight

I can't remember how it ended
I guess somebody or somebodies
jumped in
and pulled us apart

I know it sounds
a bit bad
having a fight with a girl
in public
but neither of us came
away with a scratch
so I showed gentlemanly restraint
and she gave as good as she got

If you ask me
it was all
quite authentically punk,
but I have a feeling
she didn't see it
that way